his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
