dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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