So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
