i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
