So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
