you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
