Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
