oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
