i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
