erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
