census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Randomize
