Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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