i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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