why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
sarcasm needs its own font
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
