Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months