Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum