I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
