She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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