me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
So here I am, sexting at work.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
