got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
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