I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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