So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I need to align my fucking chakras
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
