dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
