I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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