i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Couch. On fire.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
