I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
