I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
