I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
