what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
