oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I'm passing your future prison.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
