I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I want to fling myself into the sun
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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