I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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