Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
