omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
