Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
