my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
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