I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
