whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Randomize
