and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
