we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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