Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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