What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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