I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
