I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
