Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
