One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
