I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
