Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
