She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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