you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
