she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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