I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
