I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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