I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
We don't watch enough power rangers
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize