All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
