Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
