just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
