oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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