Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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