No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
