a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
