did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
