Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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