he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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