he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
