you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
