did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
