i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
