Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
