yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
