she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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