My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
