before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
