I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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