Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
They are going to name an STD after you.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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