Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
