Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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