I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
i am craving dick and cupcakes
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
